Friends Fried With Beach: Part(s) 2 Stuck 2 Fuck

[the answers to all those queries are irrelevant. for at the moment we find the protagonist stumbling and mumbling towards the beach from the bungalow in the morrow of 2.]

"saki... only here would i ever find wine made from rice. these people would make everything out of it if they could... and then immediately eat it. shit."

i decided this morning that if i was given the option of living the rest of my life on a beach, i would decline... because i don't like the fact that when a wave breaks, and crashes onto the shore that no one cares. where i'm from if something breaks, you'd better fix it, or run, or tell everyone it was like that when you got there. just lying there sleeping, pretending everything's fine, is a fixin for an ass whoopin.

the sun was nice though, and i've never seen one so high in the sky, let alone before 10. later in the day i would challenge the sun god, decalaring that i was invincible and couldn't be burned. i was right; my skin was red and quite sensitive to touch by the time we left, however it was still very much intact. the only part that was missing was the fore, and that happened years ago and wasn't my fault. nevertheless i'm satisfied with my skin, but not all that impressed with it. they say the skin is the largest organ in the human body. i would respond by saying, "maybe your body." mat 1, god 0.

once everyone was awake we went to breakfast, where among the usual egg and noodle dishes was a rather peculiar item: 'friend fried with beef.' (i have a photo of it, but i left my camera in my pocket and sand got into the shutter, and has hated me ever since.) i didn't order any of my friends though because i'm on a diet...and all my friends are fat. no that's not the reason, i'm just trying to cut back on fried foods, but i was tempted.

so somewhere around mid-day i heard a great story from alison that i regret not having seen transpire first hand, but will relay to you as best i can. she, mike, and carrie were walking from the beach and came across a pair of dogs stuck together... in the fucked position. i'd say they were in the doggy-style position but the picture alison took looked more like something out of the later chapters of the Kama Sutra, perhaps the S&M-updated version, because the bitch was pretty much dragging poor rover around. now i don't know much about sexual reproduction in general, let alone dogs, but i can tell you that that has to suck, to be stuck in the fuck. i know the first thing i wanna do after i bone some bitch is one of two things: leave or fall asleep... but i guess they never make it that easy. and this particular bitch, a proper bitch as it were, had seduced this wide-eyed pup and wasn't about to let him go.

so if it didn't suck enough for that unfortunate stud to be stuck in the worst kind of coyote ugly moment, along comes your friendly neighborhood brit, hellbent on separating these genital-crossed lovers. "hmmmm...it seems uhh the poor pooch's got his wanka stuck in the other one's uhhhh i-don't-know-what-you-call-it." duhrr. first he tries pushing them and then he tries pulling them apart, and when neither of these brilliant ideas resolve the sticky situation he goes to his last resort... and i just wanna emphasize the point that what motivated him to do this was his strong sense of moral obligation to alleviate the incredible amount of pain these canines were in: he threw the dog, or dogs in actuality because it didn't work. ouch. imagine bungie-jumping with one end of the the rope tied to your cock, and the other tied to your bitch's "uhhhh-i-don't-know-what-you-call-it." yeah.

[tomorrow: will mat eat more eyes for dinner... or more to the point, will he eat his friends' eyes, fried? is a prawn what he thinks it is? hmmmm...perhaps most likely, will he become fuck-stuck to his own hand?]