No One Wants To Be Defeated (So Just Beat It)

on friday night, the tefl people (recent grads, instructors, staff, and the photocopier guy... who i really had to suppress my urge to ask to photocopy some napkins) went out for dinner together to celebrate the end of the course. we met on a boat that was shaped like one of those mississippi river boats with the big circular paddle in the back, or at least that's how i remember it. the outside of it was decorated with lights to make it look like a shark, which i thought was a cruel trick because i'd much rather eat dinner on a real shark.

disappointments aside, it was probably the most surreal experience i've had here so far, thanks in large part to my heavily inebriated state. i blame it on the 100%, which is a call, or challenge, to finish all the beer in your glass. the more familiar term to you upside-downers is of course 'chug,' or perhaps even more familiar, 'chug you fuckin pussy.' either way, it was a long week and the beer went straight to my hairy corpuscle, which is a statement that would have made sense at the time.

it was great to see everyone from the course there joking, and poking, and playing with their food, and just generally having a good time. but the highlight of the night came when these 3 vietnamese girls took center stage and blew my fucking mind with some of the most amazing fire tricks and crappiest dancing and hottest hotness i think i've ever seen. well, all at once at least. i can't remember the right order, but i do remember them dancing (or girating erratically, depending on your definition) to 'beat it', and trying to lip sync in the most embarrassingly unsynched fashion. i was laughing so hard i could hardly contain myself. it was so bad but they were trying so hard and they were really hot but it was really bad and luckily they were hot and...

anyway after the song and dance, one of the girls broke out some fire and did some really cool shit like hoola-hooping a flaming hoola-hoop, and rubbing a flaming stick up and down her arm, and breathing fire and then eating it, which at the time reminded me that we were still in the middle of dinner and i thought about how bizarre this whole event was, but i was hungry so i continued to peel shrimp and tear the legs off, and then i got pissed because i'm tired of working so hard just to eat a stupid piece of shrimp and it's so messy and it gets all over me no matter how hard i try to avoid it and how come the shrimp in america don't have legs and why can't these god damn vietnamese shrimp be more like them, i mean what do they need legs for anyway, they're shrimp... that's why america's better than vietnam, because our shrimp don't have the pretense that they're actually going anywhere in life, they accept their fate: to be eaten with minimal effort on behalf of the eater... man, i could really go for some more of those little fuckers right about now

...and yeah i was pretty drunk. or at least much more so than the rest of the people there. so after dinner i called it an early night and beat it because i was beat, and went home to beat it while humming 'beat it.'