Phuong-us: A Relapse of That Itchy Rash

i was impressed. i had met her on a monday, seen her a few times throughout the week, and by saturday she'd already realized that nothing truly good could come from dating me, informing me of her wisdom by not responding to any of the messages i sent her from that night onward.

dropped, like wile e. coyote blindly chasing that elusive bird off a cliff, who falls only once he's realized that he's mid-air while the roadrunner's somehow made it to the other side, mockingly sticking her enticing tongue out at him before she's out of sight.

she set me up for a good fall too, requesting to meet me all week, messaging me with "i miss u" 's, and even giving me a christmas present a week early (craig david... "my favorite! thanks, that's so nice!"). when we went out together, along with her best friend hieu and my right-hand man dave, we found ways to laugh and genuinely have a good time despite our limited ability to express everything we wanted to say to each other. (imagine variations on "you're beautiful." "no, you're beautiful." "you lie." massaged repetitively upon the ego.)

yeah it was a shallow love, lust technically, but i couldn't help but feel utterly baffled at how suddenly the whole charade had ended. what kind of mine had i unwittingly trampled upon? was she miffed that i didn't get her a gift in return? i told her i'd give her something on christmas, when gifts are supposed to be exchanged, and she seemed to understand. had she read this website i absent-mindedly mentioned one night? my entry about how we met wasn't exactly flattering. nah, impossible. i use words with more than 5 letters. (a testament to my confidence she'll never bother reading/translating this blog.)

i suspected she had a boyfriend. that would be the easiest explanation, or at least the easiest on my constitution. in retrospect, it seemed strange to me that she said she had to be home before 11:30 every night, even though i'm almost certain we stayed out past midnight the first night we went out. to be honest, i wouldn't have wasted a moment of contemplation on the matter if she had just given me any excuse. "i'm sorry. you're just not attractive enough for me" or "you looked taller when i first met you" or "oh, i thought you had more money" or "fuck off, you cross-eyed dirtbag" all would have sufficed. but as it were, she left me hanging with no reply at the exact moment i thought i had her, and i couldn't help but feel gnawed at and in awe at the boldness of her actions. i had seriously underestimated this one, or so i thought.

about 2 weeks and one forgotten beginning of an impossible relationship later, on the eve of new year's eve, hieu messaged dave. she said she had been in thailand for a while and just got back. ok. i messaged phuong, inviting her and hieu to the party at my house the following night. no reply. ok. so dave told hieu to come and she said that both she and phuong would meet us the next day. ...ok?

by this point i had abandoned all expectations. fuck off or fuck me, i really didn't give a fuck anymore. we met them at dinner on new year's eve, where they met the rest of our friends for the first time. hieu was her usual bubbly self and phuong appeared to me a block of ice. i asked her where she'd been and she said she didn't know. "ok." she said she had changed her number. "ok." she asked me if i wanted to give her my number again. "ok." she asked if dave and i wanted to leave our friends in the middle of dinner to go somewhere else. "ok." and in the time it takes a single ice cube to completely spill, i once more found myself in inexplicable pursuit of that exotic avean flu.

we went to karaoke, showed up back at the house 15 minutes to midnight, kissed her on the cheek (a big move in vietnam) at the commencement of the new year, and agreed to go bowling the following night. and then by far the most unsurprising event of the new year, even surpassing my having woken up that very morning: neither she nor hieu showed up at the bowling alley, or even bothered calling us to cancel. nice. i messaged phuong, and this time she replied with an apology and an excuse: hieu was busy. "ok, this is it. meet me tomorrow, just you and me, or leave me alone." she said "ok." so the next day we saw alexander together and while neither one of us understood what the hell was going on, albeit for different reasons, we had fun together and have been going out on a semi-regular basis ever since.

now don't underestimate me. i haven't forgotten the taste of shit she left in my mouth a mere million 3 weeks ago, and nearing the third saturday since she squatted wordlessly over me, i must admit that i am vengefully tempted to tell her to meet me somewhere and never show up, and never respond to a single word of hers, and never ever contact her ever again.

this is the sadistic cynicism with which i regard this resumed recreational activity of mine that resembles research more than it does a relationship. but for the time being, i am interested in poking and mixing potions, and joking and fixing emotions, seeing this concoction to its proper conclusion. plus, the other night she and hieu came to our house and cooked us all dinner, and i'm cool with that. what a sweetheart, but she probably should have left me impressed.