Who Wants To Be A Bajillionaire

to the more desperate vietnamese [and there are a lot of them, check out the other bloggers accounts of poverty here...especially the story about the filthy retarded (errr mentally challenged) 9-year-old HIV-infected heroin-addicted hug-ophile], i'm literally a walking dong, or more often, a sitting dong trying to enjoy a drink with friends.

for those who ain't in the know, one american dollar buys you about 15,000 dongs which is enough for a decent meal. now if you want to gorge yourself at an all-you-can-eat buffet it'll cost about 25,000 dongs...about $2 after factoring in the cost of a drink. no beer costs more than $1 (as blatt gets a hard-on) and it is good.

it's impossible for a bajillionaire like myself to walk down some streets without being solicited for a charitable donation via a thin veil of a transaction. whether it be a homeless cyclo driver (you sit in a bucket seat while a guy rides you around on a modified bicycle), the old ladies carrying around a stack of about 25 photocopied books (it's always the same stack), the ones selling lottery tickets [grand prize: $4,000 (a bajillion dongs)], or the kids, who prefer to beg while you eat, selling gum, flowers, and cigarettes. if i were a philanthropist i'd ride around in a cyclo all day, handing out flowers to all the pretty ladies while i chew gum and smoke cigarettes. and occasionally i'll take a break from all this philanthropy to check my lotto tickets to see if i finally hit the big one...and read my photocopied copy of 'catch 22.'

so how do i do it? not how do i have a bajillion dollars...any english speaker can come here to teach english and make enough to be a bajillionaire in no time. no, how am i able to shovel food in my mouth while shoo-ing away all the beggars?


A: i don't know but it's a tremendous feat in assholery...and i eat asshole for lunch [see previous blog's comments]