The Real Life Cautionary Tale Of Khanh Nguyen

beepbeepbeep BEEP BEEP beepbeepbeep

khanh dropped his whistle and eagerly reached into his pocket to grab his nokia. the message was displayed before his eyes could even focus. though he knew exactly what it would say, actually seeing the words caused something in his gut to erupt and it took everything he had just to swallow. when he finally caught hold of himself, he ran down the street to get his motorbike, abandoning his whistle and arm waving duties at the intersection. the day he'd been waiting for had finally come.

on the way to the hospital he was overwhelmed by a wave of emotions. in the past year his life had transformed in a way no one could have ever predicted, and it was all thanks to one girl - diem. he thought back on that fateful night not yet one year ago when she flew past him on a white honda spacy wearing a hot pink, skin tight ao dai. she was statuesque with smooth, milky white skin that sharply contrasted with her long, black streaming hair. never had he witnessed a more breathtaking beauty.

his jaw was still agape when two young men drove up and attempted to snatch her purse. without thinking, he sped up and kicked the side of the would-be thief's motorbike which knocked them off balance and caused them to crash head on into the back of a cyclo driver. the accident killed the poor old man and one of the guys on the motorbike. the other was paralyzed from the waist down and reportedly committed suicide last month by tying himself to his wheelchair and rolling off a bridge straight to the bottom of saigon river.

from this terrible tragedy a wonderful, if unlikely, relationship blossomed between diem and khanh. she was spectacularly beautiful and from a fairly wealthy family. poor khanh, however, who dropped out of high school to work in a dog meat restaurant, had only an old dilapidated motorbike to his name. yet diem saw in him an unusual kindness that trumped her urges for a man that could shower her with money. over time, this simple mutual affection forged an unbreakable bond between them, and together they found solace in simple pleasures such as strolling hand in hand through the park or sitting near the river to gaze at the stars.

they ate as meagerly as they entertained themselves, settling for dishes of nothing but rice because diem was a strict vegetarian. she helped him get a job working the night shift at a local tofu processing warehouse, where he often brought home chunks of nourishing bean for his precious queen. then one day, word of his heroic deed reached the local police chief who offered khanh a job as a traffic intersection manager which he accepted immediately. that night, he told diem the good news and they joyfully celebrated by uniting in the most sacred of sexual unions for the first time.

9 months later here he was, driving like mad to be with diem at this momentous consummation of their storybook relationship: the birth of their first born. it had been rather obvious just a few weeks after their having made love that diem was indeed bearing a child, as her waistline had expanded in accordance with her appetite. however, far from disappointed, khanh was reinvigorated with a grand sense of paternal responsibility, the likes of which he had never before felt. the well-being of the unborn child soon became the focus of his every thought and action.

though it was difficult making ends meet, he believed his faith in god would help him through the scrape-to-get-by times. he continued to work both jobs and regarded every dong as a single brick in the foundation of his family's future. he made sure diem was always well-fed as she steadily gained weight, and otherwise saved up as much as he could. after about 6 months, they had just barely enough money to move into a dingy, 2 bedroom apartment on the outskirts of the city, and they couldn't have been happier.

when he reached the hospital he ran in and was directed straight to the delivery room. his eyes lit up when he saw diem, as if it were the first time he'd ever set his eyes upon her. except now she was almost a hundred pounds heavier: her eyes were sunken in behind her big, baggy cheeks; laying back, her chin multiplied to match the layers of flab in her torso; and her legs were so thick that he now had nowhere else to sit but on her thighs whenever they rode together on his motorbike.

nevertheless, he loved her, and gave her a kiss on her big, squishy forehead to reassure her, but just at that moment she let out a noxious puff of bowel perfume. this signaled to the doctors that she was ready to give birth, so khanh quickly stepped out of the way. "wow," he thought, "this is it." all of his hopes and dreams were about to be brought before him by the good lord himself. what would he say? "welcome khanh junior! looking mighty strong!" or perhaps, "hello there little diem! my miniature angel!"

he couldn't help but think about his own parents, who were both killed when a militant vegetarian detonated a bomb at the family slaughterhouse. what would they say if they were still alive? what would they think of their son's life now? how would they feel about his vegetarian wife?

and before he knew it, it happened. but what he was expecting to see come out of her impossibly stretched vagina, namely, a tiny human, did not. instead he looked in awe as fat began spewing from her into an ever-growing mound of lard, which looked like the kind you would find on an uncooked piece of rump roast, or at the ends of a rack of prime rib - the whitish, gelatinous, chewy kind that is responsible for giving the choicest meats their undeniably delicious flavor. this continued to ooze and gurgle out of her vagina like mayonnaise through a firehose, piling up and overflowing onto the floor. then, inexplicably, diem began scooping it up by the fistfuls and greedily shoving it in her mouth, all the while mumbling something that sounded like "num-nums."

the doctor's exact words were, "i'm sorry mr. nguyen, it's a fat... just fat." khanh stood and watched silently until remarking, "that's it. that's the last time i ever do her in the butt."

-the end-