Awesomeminton and the World of Tomorrow

daily schedule since completion of course:

- wake up at around 8 or 9 when the sun begins smacking me in the face
- piss, thinking about how i didn't write my resume yesterday
- go back to bed, pulling pillow and blanket over my head and trying not to think about how i still haven't written my resume
- sleep until i can't keep my eyes shut anymore, hoping maybe today i'll write my resume
- shit, shower, deoderize, brush teeth, shave, put in hair product, put on clothes without a resume
- take wallet, cell phone, keys and go downstairs
- watch owners of guest house rock baby as i leave, wishing i was that baby being rocked while someone wrote my resume for me
- put on sandals, still no resume
- shake my head 'no' to motorbike driver who camps out in front of the guest house, as in 'no, you can't take me to a place of prospective employment because i haven't written my resume yet.'
- ignore solicitations from at least half a dozen more as i make my way to de tham, 'the backpacker area,' thinking about how even those filthy bastards probably have resumes; the backpackers not the motorbike drivers. (although now that i think about it, maybe i'll begin requesting to see one everytime i want a ride, and i'll refuse to hire them if they don't have it. i would find that amusing.)
- wipe sweat from forehead
- eat breakfast (omelette, bread, banana shake, hold the resume)
- go to a nearby internet cafe and don't even look up what a resume should look like
- make sure the other half of the world is still there, in case i ever write my resume
- while i'm busy not writing my resume, i write a blog entry:

throughout the rest of the day i might look at houses, buy stuff, or play awesomeminton, but never all three; and i will definitely wipe more sweat from my forehead, ignore more motorbike and cyclo drivers begging to take me somewhere i don't have to go, eat dinner, drink beer, ignore people asking me if i want to buy a hammock, book, gum, or cigarettes, play pool, and of course pretend i'll write my resume at some point in the future.

the last one is important because that's what has enabled me to take up awesomeminton in my abundant free time. awesomeminton is like badminton, except here it's not bad like it is on the other side of the world. it's awesome and very popular. i wouldn't be surprised if genghis khan had invented the game while he was conquering asia, probably just knocking around peoples' eyeballs or testicles using a detached limb as a racket. man, that guy had ambition. i bet he wrote his resume in a single day and it was a mile long and written on human skin.

anyway, go to any park and you will invariably see two people, rackets in hand, daintily but gracefully swatting at the feathered projectile. even though they usually don't play with a net, they take it quite seriously. foreigners are advised to never interrupt a game, even if it may seem that it's just a light-hearted knock about, because if you've ever seen someone catch a shuttlecock to the upper lip then let me tell you brother, it ain't pretty.

so i bought a couple rackets the other day and decided that, after having mastered the learning of how to teach english but before mastering the getting of the job, i would master the sport of awesomeminton. so i set out with a few friends and 4 rackets between us to the park where i figured we'd challenge the local awesomeminton gangs to a match for control of the net.

"hey you, yeah you, charlie. where i'm from we call this badminton ya see? so don't fuck with us because we're bad... but not bad like we're bad at playing but bad like, 'who's bad?' that's right, us motherfucker, real bad... bad like a rotten peach except less mushy, but just as dangerous, ya catch my drift?" i imagined parrying about using my racket as a make-believe sword while we engaged in meaningless bombastic banter in our native languages and exchanged intense facial expressions.

alas, that day was not the day foretold in my dreams. instead we gallavanted around doing leaping backhands and one-footed oopsie-daisies while the locals stared in bewilderment. we played for hours, like it was our job, but not quite because we're not being paid to be gay. speaking of jobs, it's just about that time - time for me to avoid writing my resume for the rest of the day.

...and that's why god invented tomorrow.