The Legend of What Was Up, What Is Now Up, and What Will Be Up

"what's up?"

well i've written my resume, applied for jobs (or more accurately just 'job'), still haven't found a house yet (ok so i haven't really been looking or 'i just haven't been looking'), have scaled back the beer drinking, pool playing, and awesomeminton from everyday/all day to most days/part of the day, and still watch national geographic channel every morning before i do anything.

so you'd guess that i haven't been doing what i supposedly came here to do, teach english, but i have. you see, there's this somewhat quiet bar/restaurant near my guest house that plays cheesy 80's music, has a pool table, a chess set with extra-large wooden pieces, tv's that show nonstop football, and about half a dozen vietnamese girls that work there every night. now coincidentally, every night i'd like to talk to about 6 vietnamese girls while listening to the eagles or bon jovi, preferably in the same place i can have a drink and play pool, and maybe get some food while i watch some football, and even play chess should someone have a need for a good ol' fashioned brain slap (bleh! ach! 6 moves, linda. *cough*).

so due to this fortunate cicumstance i've been a frequent patron of the aptly named Lucky's, and am on friendly terms with the waitresses. they say i look like a porcupine because of my hair, and one of them calls me 'lunatic guy' for no apparent reason, but i don't mind because i get free vietnamese lessons from them. they told me that 'mat' means either 'eye(s)' or 'crazy' depending on the pronunciation, but according to this online vietnamese-english dictionary it can mean either eye(s), face/surface/right, honey/secret, lose/die/vanish, cool/fresh, or bird-mite/very foor(?). but not crazy so i don't know where they got that one from, unless that's what 'very foor' means.

maybe it is the obligation i feel as a native speaker that inspires me to teach english so that people across the world may obtain the knowledge of how to speak today's most important, opportunity-enabling language, or maybe i just like communicating in the simplest terms possible with vietnamese girls, but either way: i taught them how to say "what's up." as in: "hey, what's up."

yes, i've abandoned my attempt at spreading napkins across south east asia as my legacy and have lowered my ambitions to simply teaching a popular colloquial american greeting. well honestly it was only because they insist on shouting "hello" to every person that walks through the door and it just sounded too silly, even for me, so i told them from now on they have to say "what's up" instead of "hello" when they see me. it worked, except they have a hard time with the 's' and it sounds a little more like "what shup" than it should. but to be fair i still can't manage anything beyond "hello" "thank you" and "1, 2, 3, yo!" in vietnamese so i figure "what shup" is perfectly acceptable.

once they've mastered "what's up," i will move onto other variations such as "whassup" (reiss-style), "sup" (chip-style), "what up" (me-style), and "wuzzup" (cromie-style). i may even move onto more difficult ones such as "what's good" (steiding/devon-style), "what's happening" (not-sure-whose-style), and "what's goin' on?" (me-stoned-asking-an-honest-question-style). then there are all the various ways you can informally address the person you are greeting such as "what's up, yo; man; dude; bro; kid; son; dun; nigga; g; fool; b; baby; babe; bitch; hun; honey; slut." i'm sure i've left lots out so let me know, and i'll be sure to pass it on to the women waiting tables and working at bars all across vietnam.