This Gum I'm Chewing is Really Uninteresting

it's minty, simple and artificial, but it doesn't sting like those acid mouth mints, the kind made from frozen extra-terrestrial radioactive atoms mined from intergalactic meteors travelling through the cold vacuum of space and tested on mutant polar bears with liquid nitrogen blood. the kind that upon impact set your tongue on frigid fire, blowing your mouth pores wide open, and make your breath smell refreshingly edible. instead it has that classic bubble gum taste that dominates just a hint of mint, maybe like a mint-flavored bazooka, useless for disguising bad breath, but sufficient for stimulating the repeated squishing of something between my molars that gives me purpose.

unfourtunately the gum transformed from a firm, sticky, flat stick of sugar full of potential masticatory pleasures into a chewed, inelastic wad of bland disappointment far sooner than i had hoped. i regret now not having savored those first few reckless munches that squeezed its once solid flavor into a swirling whirlpool of sensational sweetness. at first the gum had become increasingly intriguing, enticing my mouth into chewing it helter-skelter until suddenly i realized its seductive juices were depleted. i continued to chew after this point, biting down hard on the lifeless mass of spent joy, desperate to taste that mint i had once deemed 'simple,' but now passionately crave.

i had gotten the gum from a cute little street girl, no older than the age of 8, by beating her in a game of rock, paper, scissors. she challenged me, and after negotiating the terms of the deal, we threw down. she won the first one, but it was only because she threw after me, seeing my paper and cutting it with a pair of scissors. i called her on it and said it would count, but now we would play best of three. so we threw down again, this time simultaneously, and i smashed the shit out of her feeble scissors with a rock made of a tightly clenched fist. "boo ya! 1-1." we threw again, paper-paper. "clever," i thought. she knew that i knew she'd think i would be too scared to throw paper again, and having known this she prudently adjusted her strategy so that in case i did have the audacity to try paper, as long as she stays away from rock, the worst she could do is tie which is what happened. well she may have anticipated that, but she definitely wasn't ready for an ultra risky repeat of an open hand, palm down, five-fingered slap of a paper that smothered and presumably suffocated her mighty rock. "pay up," i said and contentedly walked away with my free pack of mint-flavored gum.

in my defense, i wouldn't have felt so pleased about taking gum from an 8 year old girl had her friend not taken $2 from me beating me at the same game. that girl was insane though. it's quite possible she can read peoples' minds, which i find incredible only because i was thinking in english, not vietnamese. having defeated her friend made me cherish the prize that had eluded me just the day before, and i was confident that it would taste just as i imagined victory to taste like.

alas, this was not the gum foretold in my dreams. the gum now exists in my mouth as a stale object of unconscious fixation that produces no sense of pleasure or intrigue. i continue to chew however, because there is no wastebasket within reach and i find comfort in its familiarity and security from the habit and repetition of chewing gum. but once the satisfaction of default had lost its allure, i searched for a moment to discard the wet disgraceful wad of desugared waste under the desk... success.

i had known that this time would come as soon as i began removing the foil and paper that protected and concealed this minty stick of celibacy less than 5 minutes ago. it was the second of a pack of five and i had felt betrayed by the first unsatisfying piece, but i thought maybe this one would be different. it wasn't. it was perhaps even less interesting than the first, because at least the first provided me with a brand new experience, something novel that i'd remember. this piece however was just a waste of time.